| friends only. |
[17 May 2008|07:45pm] |
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hi.
so, basically, most of my entries are friendslocked. want to read it? go ahead and comment. chances are I'll probably say yes, particularly if we have things in common, like a peculiar love for marching band, horses, good books, summer, mutual friends. et cetera. I'm really not that picky.
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| ow. |
[30 Jul 2007|01:46pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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so I had a really amazing jumping lesson today. both horses did exceptionally well.
but there was this one line where mckinna and I got this terrible, awful distance. I was so concerned about getting the distance that I forgot the position fixes we'd been working on (pulling my shoulders up and back, following with my arms instead of my whole body) and I totally tried to jump for her to tell her to take the long spot, but she chipped in so she threw her head up when she jumped, and the top of her head whacked my chin, making me bite my tongue.
my tongue HURTS.
she was fine and I was fine and we went on to have some basically amazing courses.
but yeah. my tongue hurts. this smoothie I made makes it feel a little better, but it's all swollen and ow.
sigh.
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| socks! |
[22 Jul 2007|01:19pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Momentum - The Hush Sound |
] |
If you ever decide that you truly love me and want to make my day amazing, buy me a gift certificate to here:
http://sockdreams.com/
I've already squee'd at length to Steve about this site, but srsly. So many socks. So many pretty, pretty socks.
I would make a real update...but I'm busy cleaning my room. Maybe later?
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| Woo HP! no spoilers I promise. |
[21 Jul 2007|05:46pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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So...just finished it.
8:30 to 12:00, and then 3:00 to 5:45 = six hours and 15 minutes, if I did my addition correctly?
Beat that, Steve.
....it was really, really good. <3
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| oh, california in the summer |
[17 Jul 2007|12:46pm] |
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mood |
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thankful |
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music |
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Holiday From Real - Jack's Mannequin |
] |
I love summer. Have I ever mentioned that?
It's raining outside, and I'm okay with that.
I think I want to be in a relationship because I'm so full of love right now that I'd love to have a significant other to express it to.
But at the same time, I'm so happy being single and flirting left and right and no commitments.
I do so love summer.
I think I'm going to go shave my legs and paint my toenails and possibly practice my trumpet.
I'm now seventeen (on the seventeenth, of the seventh month, of the seventh year).
Let me rephrase that - I'm seventeen, it's the middle of summer, I'm single and crushing, with at least one thing guaranteed about my future, and I love life.
<3
Just thought I'd let you all know how happy I am!
If you're unhappy, stop it. List 10 things you're grateful for. Want to know mine?
1. My parents. They are really wonderful. They're not the most well-off, but they try so hard to give me everything I need and most of what I want. I try to repay them by being wise about things like money, and not asking for things I don't need, and earning my own moneyz.
2. My animals. Bailey is the most gorgeous, sweetest horse ever. I'm sad that we're selling him, but I know that it's in our best interest financially and time-wise, and this way he can go on to his full potential if I can find the right buyer. Rascal is so soft and sweet, and Packer is just the most loyal dog ever. Then there's McKinna, who hopefully I can bring along very quickly and do some eventing with this year.
3. Music. Seriously, what would life be without music? One morning at camp before the bell rang, they were playing this thing from an OSU band, and a trumpet player was playing Journey songs. It was the most pure, beautiful tone I've heard in a long time. One love feeeds the fiiiire..yeah.
4. While we're on that track, camp. Love love love. I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am for it.
5. Photoshop. I'm so glad that my dad can legally get it for me, because it's *so* expensive but it's really an amazing program. It allows me to easily touch up photos, resize/recolor things, and make more elaborate artworks when the urge strikes.
6. Books. My God, I love books. Just reading, and the voice that different authors have, and entire worlds that become entirely real in your mind, and...hsklghdskljfkds. I love books.
7. Boys. I know I say boys are dumb, but when you run into the nice ones (of which there is an unusual concentration of at camp) it's so amazing. The way they are just so nice and sincere and friendly, and they don't ONLY act that way when they actually like you.
8. Friends. It was really nice talking to Kari after I got back from camp. I was tired, and exhausted, and so was she (from dance camp), but it was really nice to just catch up.
9. My supervisor/boss person at work. She's been so great to me - really incredibly flexible regarding hours (I basically decide what days and what times, completely) and regarding my job description. If I feel like just sitting around making slides all day, I do. If I don't, she finds me something else to do. She's also very generous with pay.
10. Myself. Yes, it's silly. But I'm content with myself right now. I know that I'm basically a good person, and I have a good future ahead of me. I'm very pleased that I'm almost all the way over Brian now - it hurt a lot for a long time, but I'm now really over him, as I noticed when I finally had a crush on a boy. It took a long time. Also, I never really noticed until camp that I did a lot of growing up this year. It's nice to know that I've grown and matured since this time last year.
I'm just so happy. It's really neat, you should try being completely and totally happy sometime :)
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| AP test for the win? I think so. |
[08 Jul 2007|08:45am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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So, I got my AP test score back..and I got a 4! YAY!
(That's good, by the way. 3 is passing, 4 is good, 5 is freaking amazing).
So I can relax about that one!
Also I took Bailey to a Horse Trials yesterday (that's like 3-day eventing, only it's in one day) and he did very well, I was quite pleased. Picture?
I think this one is my favorite because he's so shiny and pretty and we're both so ready for the fence.
Or maybe this one, because he's so relaxed and smooth.
I'm sorry for stretching your flist, alexis! But it had to be done.
Anyway...that was fun.
I'm leaving for camp tonight. I...was really really excited, but now I just can't tell. I heard Tyson isn't going to be there which is really, really upsetting because I looked up to him so much and I just really liked him. I remember how nice he was after I was so upset about my test, too, and the things he said. I understand that, kinda like Chris, he's still growing and moving on in his life, but it makes me feel kinda sad to be left behind, let down. And then there's that selfish, couldn't he have waited just one more year until I'm gone? But, of course, that's silly and pointless and selfish as I said.
Then I had two nightmares about stuff going wrong and then I didn't make it to camp on time and I was super late and I forgot my trumpet and everything sucked.
aaah.
I'm sure it will be wonderful, though.
Anyway...that's all. I'll be back in a week?
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| moving in slow like the smoke from your cigarette |
[22 Jun 2007|09:42pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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okay, so there are two things on my mind.
one is about him, which I wrote down and promptly deleted, because that's my thought process. write down, delete. say it, then move on. think, then ignore.
the other, is that...I had a sudden realization today.
want some backstory?
of course you want some backstory!
I work in a lab at the University, doing random work (taking out recycling, putting away stuff that comes, doing inventory, occasionally helping with zebrafish stuff which is kinda cool). One thing that always needs doing is the making of these special layered slides - that is, you take a slide, glue a coverslip to the far side of the rectangle, and then glue another coverslip to the other side. like this:
_________________________
|````|`````````````|````|
|````|`````````````|````|
so that whole thing is the slide, and the two boxes on either side are the coverslips. ignore the `'s, they're just to take up space.
(this is WAY too much detail, but spare me. you'll get more work details later, I'm sure.)
anyway. there are singles, doubles, and triples. for singles, each side has one coverslip glued, for doubles, each has two, etc etc.
anyway. I was doing that for a couple hours today. nobody else was really around. so, I was doing repetitive work that is fairly easy, thus giving myself lots of time to think.
I'd gone to the symposium this morning on stem cells, given by a very prominent scientist man. it was almost all over my head - scientific jargon, mostly.
but as I was sitting there making slides, I realized.
I can't know everything.
that's silly, you might think. of course you can't know everything.
but really stop and think about that, for a minute. there is so much knowledge, so much. in everything. and there's millions of times more knowledge that isn't there yet, but it will be. and you hardly get to have any of it.
it's like that old thing. a man and a woman. one can't see the trees but for the forest; the other can't see the forest but for the trees. like...either you see the beautiful, complex details, or you see the beautiful, complex big picture. I suppose you could look at both at the same time, but then you sacrifice the depth of understanding and appreciation.
so my realization was like that. you can't see both the forest and the trees.
except, the forest is bigger. like, say, the universe.
and the trees are smaller. like maybe molecules.
and there is so much knowledge that I can't have.
to truly discover and know and understand new things, you almost have to become incredibly specialized. to spend your life studying a few genes, the cause of a single disease, the nature of stem cells in certain organisms, the intricacies of space - anything - would be incredible. the mastery you'd have over it. but there are billions, trillions of any other thing that you could know just as much about.
except you can't, because you can't know it all.
I could work with horses. I could develop my riding and training skill to the point where instead of giving physical signals to a horse, it's more like it responds to your thought. I could become so experienced that I could heal problem horses, I could know the tiniest movement predicting what the horse is going to do next. I could spend a lifetime learning from those beautiful, amazing creatures.
I could work in chemistry, the base makeup of the world and worlds. I could study the chemistry of our earth, medicines, or weapons, or tools to heal what we've done to the earth in general. I could study the chemistry of other planets, considering someday our sun will expand and fry the earth and either destroy humanity or we'll find somewhere else to go.
I could study quantum physics and mechanics - the tiniest of tiny, where laws aren't quite the same. I could study the universe, deep space, where the laws aren't the same either.
I could study biology, or how the body works. medicine - autism. cancer. AIDS.
I could work with words, and my god how I love words. writing, reading, understanding - some people have a certain magic way with words, and I could learn that. to captivate people with sentences, wring intense feeling and emotion from pages of text.
I could learn psychology, and the deepest workings of the mind that aren't understood. I could fix people. help them. understand them, really, truly understand them, and not just the whats but the whys.
I could be in music - learn to produce a sound so pure that it could bring tears to your eyes. I could learn to conduct, to truly conduct, which is a sight to behold because it's like every gesture is perfect and gorgeous, and as the book says, "you can draw a sort of immense emotional throb out of the air by merely curving your hand. you can get brilliant waves of sound by a twist of the wrist. you can make sudden and absolute silence by a gesture. it is the most wonderful of all sensations that any man can conceive."
I could conceivably do any of those things, and a hundred, a thousand more.
but I can't do all of them. and that hurts.
I wish I believed in some kind of reincarnation, because I will need a hundred thousand lifetimes to know everything that I want to.
picking a major is gonna be a bitch. "I'd like to major in everything. yes, everything. oh, don't worry about me, I'll just use a time-turner or fifty."
kind of makes you want to be immortal, or at least work outside of temporal existence and laws.
though, it would be very ironic if you spent your entire life working with the laws of space and time until you found a way to circumvent them, for the very purpose of gaining lifetimes of knowledge, and somehow managed to expire before taking the step outside of what is. lifetimes of information for others, sure, but...I digress. on the other hand, it's probably ridiculous how much self-confidence I have that I think there could be a way to circumnavigate time itself. how silly of me.
still, though. how beautiful would it be, to know everything? to be capable of that much information? I'm sure the human brain can't even come close to handling such knowledge - it can't even come close to handling what the scope of that much knowledge would be. but my god, I wish I could have it all.
I am in a very, very weird mood. my apologies to anyone that's just read that. in the meantime, I'm going to go try to learn everything.
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| where I almost made out with the homecoming queen |
[21 Jun 2007|08:18pm] |
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mood |
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 enraptured |
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I bought *three* new books last night. at the book store.
I ♥ new books, seriously. They're all paperback, and I was able to buy 3 with my $20 gift card. =D they are all long, too.
I got:
Wizards At War, by Diane Duane, which I've been needing to read for FOREVER. I can't believe it's been out so long that it's in paperback.
Uglies, by Scott Westerfield. It's a slight break from the norm in terms of my reading, but it and its sequels looks interesting.
and...I forget. Seeker? I think? it's by William Nicholson, who also wrote the Wind on Fire trilogy (which also = love). It also has a sequel out that I'd like to get.
Sigh. I need to renew the library card - it's $80 since we don't live close enough or whatever, but it's so so worth it. I need to stop letting myself forget how much I love books. And reading.
Mmm. I want to go to the library now.
Did I mention that I love books?
<3!
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| the list, for amanda. |
[17 Jun 2007|04:30pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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anyone have any ideas for other things to do this summer?
Things We Need To Do This Summer
Complete a nonstop LOTR marathon
Do the same for Pirates
Play with fireworks, preferably illegal ones
Make a film of any sort as long as it is amusing to make and watch
Have a smoothie party
Have a water balloon fight
Hang out on someone’s roof
Feed the ducks/geese
Run through sprinklers
Play golf
Play miniature golf
Play Frisbee golf
Watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Choreograph a dance. Rehearse/perform it in a public place.
Make an elaborate, multiple-course picnic lunch. Have picnic.
Fly kites
Go to the coast (preferably on a warm day)
Sushi
Tie-dye party
Complete a game of Monopoly. Without forfeit.
Play tennis
Ping-pong tournament
Foosball tournament
Go to the fair. Ride all the cool rides.
Write a very nice note to a stranger. Send it by picking a random name out of the phone book.
Learn to juggle?
Build a sandcastle. Ensure that there is photographic evidence, then destroy it.
Go to (breakfast, lunch, dinner). Tip outrageously high for someone that was nice.
Go paintballing
please note that in microsoft word, the ?s are boxes :)
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| SUMMER VACATION FTW. |
[15 Jun 2007|01:28pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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All The Small Things - blink 182 |
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Seriously.
I love summer vacation.
Not only did I have a blast last night, we're all going to get together and hang out again sometime this evening.
Let's do a quick review of my day:
I got up at 9:30, which is just about perfect. It's sleeping in enough that I'm not tired at all, but not so late that I feel slothful. I spent most of the morning organizing my music. For those of you that don't know me, I am one of the most forgetful, disorganized persons you will meet - except in certain areas of my life, where I get great pleasure out of being extremely organized. This is one of them. Not only did I make sure all of my music is in the same place on my computer, I went through probably 30 or 40 CDs that I've been meaning to rip to my computer, then ripped them. I now use itunes instead of WMP, because the only songs I imported to itunes are the ones I actually listen to - so I don't need to scroll through all the songs I never listen to. It's exciting.
Then - then! - I went on a run. With the dogs. Warm outside, sweaty, listening to good music on shuffle. Came home to stretch and take a cold shower, so now I'm clean and soft and I'm going to hang out with my friends later.
This is going to be an amazing summer. I guarantee it.
I'm off to scan in the Batman sweatshirt sketch and see if I can make a decent design, and then clean the desk/living room/kitchen/my room. I love this! because in all honestly, I do enjoy cleaning, but only on my own terms. Problem is, I don't have enough TIME for my own terms during the school year...I like to clean something really meticulously, then laze around for awhile, then clean something else really meticulously. Which does not translate well to, say, cleaning an entire room when I'd rather completely clean and organize everything on one dresser. But now I have the time!
Did I mention that I love summer vacation?
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| hmm. |
[06 Jun 2007|08:27pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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so I've determined that I should just live out at the barn. it's like there's a goddamned anti-emo cloud laying over the whole place, I swear. I even tried to think about brian, and being sad, and the thoughts literally would not connect. it was kind of nice.
mom and I went for a ride outside. the sun was low-ish, so everything was bathed in this soft golden light, and everything is green and covered in grass, and the horses were calm, and it was perfectly warm/cool with a tiny breeze. it was really just beautiful out there, really peaceful.
so, dad brought CS3 home. it's exciting, especially the quick selection tool and the new black&white option. at the moment, I am coloring in an angry dragon that I drew in my biology lab book. I was angry, so I wanted to draw something ugly and angry.
I shall put it on here when I'm done?
I should scan in some of the other stuff from my lab book, I end up getting creative sometimes cause bio is so boring.
hmm. I'm content. which is funny, cause I was pretty depressed earlier.
up and down, I suppose.
UP IS DOWN! UP IS DOWN!
oh pirates.
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| ZOMG A REAL ENTRY |
[07 Nov 2006|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Pretty Much AWESOME - Various Artists |
] |
So I'm in a fantastic mood. I made my computer work! Or more specifically, I sufficiently figured out a way to burn a CD in .wav form so that it will actually play places other than on a computer (this as opposed to .mp3s or the ugly windows media file). So I burned A Mix CD, which I promptly labeled "Pretty Much AWESOME" and the AWESOME is in bubble letters with little polka dots, and then a smiley face for good measure. Anyway here is the playlist (it's just random stuff I threw together) and excuse the formatting, it's weird:
1. Polygraph, Right Now - The Spill Canvas
2. The Dutch Courage - The Spill Canvas
3. Teleport: A and B - The Spill Canvas
4. Himerus and Eros - The Spill Canvas
5. Self Conclusion - The Spill Canvas
6. Second Place Victory - This Day and Age
7. Sunshine - Jinxed
8. Pretty Baby - Vanessa Carlton
9. Bruised - Jack’s Mannequin
10. Dark Blue - Jack’s Mannequin
11. All Will Be Well - The Gabe Dixon Band
12. Roulette - System of a Down
13. Cosmos - Random Trumpet?
14. Boondock Saints Theme - …Irish Songs!
15. Closing Time - Semisonic
16. Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas
17. Dust In The Wind - Kansas
18. Warning - Incubus
19. Promise - Eve 6
20. Land Down Under - Men At Work
So yes. Some random crap in there.
...Chair tests were today. I'm hoping thinking wondering if waiting patiently until Thursday to find out if I got first chair. I very much want it and I want to sit next to Jon. One or the other will happen I think, but hopefully both.
Time for math review for the midterm tomorrow, then way too much Scarlet Letter-ing, and a 500 page book (Winter of Our Discontent, anyone?), a scary horse to deal with, and an Equestrian Team meeting. Funny thing is that I'd ditch it all to hang out with Brian...but that's alright. I need to do homework anyway and he's busy tonight. Apparently Thursday after school we are going back to the U of O with dad where I guess we'll just wander around and have fun. Not like there's much to do on campus but it'll be even more interesting when it's probably raining. And Weather.com says....showers.
(On a side note, I just accidentally typed Artists as Artits)
Alright, that's enough of a real entry for one day. Off to do my various responsibilities. too many I's in that word.
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| ...a song. |
[06 Nov 2006|10:18pm] |
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music |
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Second Place Victory - This Day and Age |
] |
It's breathtaking to think of you
And to learn that sometimes the only way out is through
It's mind numbing to think of yesterday,
I'd run to you now if I could but things have changed
I heard you say
It's enlightening
To think of the breeze
To believe in things that we can't see
So here we go
Let's show them how to live
Accept the pain
Always forgive
Watch the sun go down
Learn the sound of following all that is complete
It's breathtaking to think of you
And to learn without faith the sky isn't as blue
It's mind numbing to think of yesterday
We'll look toward the stars and dream that we're airplanes
Let's show them how to live
Accept the pain
Always forgive
Watch the sun go down
Learn the sound of following
All that's complete
I feel the beginnings of a real entry coming on. I'll write one soon I think.
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[23 Sep 2006|02:29pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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I'm tired of this funny feeling in my stomach that's been here all week and nothing/one fixes it.
On the upswing, our first home game was last night, and it was sheer beauty. Not only did the football team win (which is always a plus), the band [my band it feels like now, like watching my babies out there] was amazing and incredible and perfect. I feel like they like me, and they like my co-DM, and I like them a lot too. They listen to me and it's empowering and humbling kind of both, because I can command them so easily but most days I'm still sitting there wondering why they do it. Listen to me, that is. Conducting up there was the most beautiful thing ever, in the stands and on the podium when it was all perfect and I could smile at them all (Kirk told me later that he smiled back and messed up his playing). Having all that fear of when to start and stop going away because it's really not so hard. Perfect cutoffs every time except the first, which is so much more than we're used to. The high, the energy that goes singing through everyone after we march off and the smiles all around and the hugs. The feeling of the gloves and cape because it's just some white fabric but it's so, so different than just marching. The contrast between me and her because she's in makeup and a colorguard uniform with dance underneath, and I'm in a jacket with a cape and gloves and a hat, and mismatched boxers and a tie-dye shirt but we're still friends, and closer than the uniform makes it look.
God I love Marching Band.
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| wheeee. |
[01 Aug 2006|09:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
can I just say that I LOVE MY HORSE.
yes I can.
I love my horse. <3
yay jumping lessons!
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| mumblegrumble. |
[27 Jul 2006|04:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bleh |
] |
I'm tired. and kind of burnt out on horses. But I have a lesson today...maybe that will get me back on track? I feel bad for how unenthusiastic I've been about it all summer...I'm only going to one schooling show. Although that's all I did last summer too. But still...What with Red's death and then later that week Rose fell off and seriously damaged the muscles in her hip so she can't ride for another two or three months, it's only me riding really. I haven't had lessons lately so Bailey and I have just kind of been drifting. Plus he's being totally disrespectful lately which is frustrating and blaaaah. I may try just taking a few days soon to take a tarp out there and screw around with ground work again. The day before yesterday I tried to jump him over some stuff in the round pen just while I was longeing, and he was fine until I moved it up, and then he started refusing and getting all worked up, so I had to drop it back down to a tiny little X, and then I rode, and I just took it really easy with some walking and trotting and meh.
I am in a bleh mood! oh well. I shall return later with a happier mood, probably.
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[03 Jul 2006|11:27am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Red
The day we got him. |
This is Red the day we got him, which was Saturday.
We had to put him down yesterday, which was Sunday. The day after we got him.
He fell and did some neurological damage.
He was going to be a great little horse...but no more.
RIP Red. We <3 you.
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cynicaljustice's journal
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