a brilliant escape;

ow.

2007-07-30T20:50:19Z

so I had a really amazing jumping lesson today. both horses did exceptionally well.

but there was this one line where mckinna and I got this terrible, awful distance. I was so concerned about getting the distance that I forgot the position fixes we'd been working on (pulling my shoulders up and back, following with my arms instead of my whole body) and I totally tried to jump for her to tell her to take the long spot, but she chipped in so she threw her head up when she jumped, and the top of her head whacked my chin, making me bite my tongue.

my tongue HURTS.

she was fine and I was fine and we went on to have some basically amazing courses.

but yeah. my tongue hurts. this smoothie I made makes it feel a little better, but it's all swollen and ow.

sigh.

socks!

2007-07-22T20:20:21Z

If you ever decide that you truly love me and want to make my day amazing, buy me a gift certificate to here:

http://sockdreams.com/

I've already squee'd at length to Steve about this site, but srsly. So many socks. So many pretty, pretty socks.

I would make a real update...but I'm busy cleaning my room. Maybe later?

Woo HP! no spoilers I promise.

2007-07-22T00:47:36Z

So...just finished it.

8:30 to 12:00, and then 3:00 to 5:45 = six hours and 15 minutes, if I did my addition correctly?

Beat that, Steve.

....it was really, really good. <3

oh, california in the summer

2007-07-17T20:12:29Z

I love summer. Have I ever mentioned that?

It's raining outside, and I'm okay with that.

I think I want to be in a relationship because I'm so full of love right now that I'd love to have a significant other to express it to.

But at the same time, I'm so happy being single and flirting left and right and no commitments.

I do so love summer.

I think I'm going to go shave my legs and paint my toenails and possibly practice my trumpet.

I'm now seventeen (on the seventeenth, of the seventh month, of the seventh year).

Let me rephrase that - I'm seventeen, it's the middle of summer, I'm single and crushing, with at least one thing guaranteed about my future, and I love life.

<3

Just thought I'd let you all know how happy I am!

If you're unhappy, stop it. List 10 things you're grateful for. Want to know mine?

1. My parents. They are really wonderful. They're not the most well-off, but they try so hard to give me everything I need and most of what I want. I try to repay them by being wise about things like money, and not asking for things I don't need, and earning my own moneyz.
2. My animals. Bailey is the most gorgeous, sweetest horse ever. I'm sad that we're selling him, but I know that it's in our best interest financially and time-wise, and this way he can go on to his full potential if I can find the right buyer. Rascal is so soft and sweet, and Packer is just the most loyal dog ever. Then there's McKinna, who hopefully I can bring along very quickly and do some eventing with this year.
3. Music. Seriously, what would life be without music? One morning at camp before the bell rang, they were playing this thing from an OSU band, and a trumpet player was playing Journey songs. It was the most pure, beautiful tone I've heard in a long time. One love feeeds the fiiiire..yeah.
4. While we're on that track, camp. Love love love. I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am for it.
5. Photoshop. I'm so glad that my dad can legally get it for me, because it's *so* expensive but it's really an amazing program. It allows me to easily touch up photos, resize/recolor things, and make more elaborate artworks when the urge strikes.
6. Books. My God, I love books. Just reading, and the voice that different authors have, and entire worlds that become entirely real in your mind, and...hsklghdskljfkds. I love books.
7. Boys. I know I say boys are dumb, but when you run into the nice ones (of which there is an unusual concentration of at camp) it's so amazing. The way they are just so nice and sincere and friendly, and they don't ONLY act that way when they actually like you.
8. Friends. It was really nice talking to Kari after I got back from camp. I was tired, and exhausted, and so was she (from dance camp), but it was really nice to just catch up.
9. My supervisor/boss person at work. She's been so great to me - really incredibly flexible regarding hours (I basically decide what days and what times, completely) and regarding my job description. If I feel like just sitting around making slides all day, I do. If I don't, she finds me something else to do. She's also very generous with pay.
10. Myself. Yes, it's silly. But I'm content with myself right now. I know that I'm basically a good person, and I have a good future ahead of me. I'm very pleased that I'm almost all the way over Brian now - it hurt a lot for a long time, but I'm now really over him, as I noticed when I finally had a crush on a boy. It took a long time. Also, I never really noticed until camp that I did a lot of growing up this year. It's nice to know that I've grown and matured since this time last year.

I'm just so happy. It's really neat, you should try being completely and totally happy sometime :)

AP test for the win? I think so.

2007-07-08T15:54:14Z

So, I got my AP test score back..and I got a 4! YAY!

(That's good, by the way. 3 is passing, 4 is good, 5 is freaking amazing).

So I can relax about that one!

Also I took Bailey to a Horse Trials yesterday (that's like 3-day eventing, only it's in one day) and he did very well, I was quite pleased. Picture?

I think this one is my favorite because he's so shiny and pretty and we're both so ready for the fence.

Or maybe this one, because he's so relaxed and smooth.

I'm sorry for stretching your flist, alexis! But it had to be done.

Anyway...that was fun.

I'm leaving for camp tonight. I...was really really excited, but now I just can't tell. I heard Tyson isn't going to be there which is really, really upsetting because I looked up to him so much and I just really liked him. I remember how nice he was after I was so upset about my test, too, and the things he said. I understand that, kinda like Chris, he's still growing and moving on in his life, but it makes me feel kinda sad to be left behind, let down. And then there's that selfish, couldn't he have waited just one more year until I'm gone? But, of course, that's silly and pointless and selfish as I said.

Then I had two nightmares about stuff going wrong and then I didn't make it to camp on time and I was super late and I forgot my trumpet and everything sucked.

aaah.

I'm sure it will be wonderful, though.

Anyway...that's all. I'll be back in a week?

moving in slow like the smoke from your cigarette

2007-06-23T05:30:02Z

okay, so there are two things on my mind.

one is about him, which I wrote down and promptly deleted, because that's my thought process. write down, delete. say it, then move on. think, then ignore.

the other, is that...I had a sudden realization today.

want some backstory?

of course you want some backstory!

I work in a lab at the University, doing random work (taking out recycling, putting away stuff that comes, doing inventory, occasionally helping with zebrafish stuff which is kinda cool). One thing that always needs doing is the making of these special layered slides - that is, you take a slide, glue a coverslip to the far side of the rectangle, and then glue another coverslip to the other side. like this:
_________________________
|````|`````````````|````|
|````|`````````````|````|

so that whole thing is the slide, and the two boxes on either side are the coverslips. ignore the `'s, they're just to take up space.

(this is WAY too much detail, but spare me. you'll get more work details later, I'm sure.)

anyway. there are singles, doubles, and triples. for singles, each side has one coverslip glued, for doubles, each has two, etc etc.

anyway. I was doing that for a couple hours today. nobody else was really around. so, I was doing repetitive work that is fairly easy, thus giving myself lots of time to think.

I'd gone to the symposium this morning on stem cells, given by a very prominent scientist man. it was almost all over my head - scientific jargon, mostly.

but as I was sitting there making slides, I realized.

I can't know everything.

that's silly, you might think. of course you can't know everything.

but really stop and think about that, for a minute. there is so much knowledge, so much. in everything. and there's millions of times more knowledge that isn't there yet, but it will be. and you hardly get to have any of it.

it's like that old thing. a man and a woman. one can't see the trees but for the forest; the other can't see the forest but for the trees. like...either you see the beautiful, complex details, or you see the beautiful, complex big picture. I suppose you could look at both at the same time, but then you sacrifice the depth of understanding and appreciation.

so my realization was like that. you can't see both the forest and the trees.

except, the forest is bigger. like, say, the universe.

and the trees are smaller. like maybe molecules.

and there is so much knowledge that I can't have.

to truly discover and know and understand new things, you almost have to become incredibly specialized. to spend your life studying a few genes, the cause of a single disease, the nature of stem cells in certain organisms, the intricacies of space - anything - would be incredible. the mastery you'd have over it. but there are billions, trillions of any other thing that you could know just as much about.

except you can't, because you can't know it all.

I could work with horses. I could develop my riding and training skill to the point where instead of giving physical signals to a horse, it's more like it responds to your thought. I could become so experienced that I could heal problem horses, I could know the tiniest movement predicting what the horse is going to do next. I could spend a lifetime learning from those beautiful, amazing creatures.

I could work in chemistry, the base makeup of the world and worlds. I could study the chemistry of our earth, medicines, or weapons, or tools to heal what we've done to the earth in general. I could study the chemistry of other planets, considering someday our sun will expand and fry the earth and either destroy humanity or we'll find somewhere else to go.

I could study quantum physics and mechanics - the tiniest of tiny, where laws aren't quite the same. I could study the universe, deep space, where the laws aren't the same either.

I could study biology, or how the body works. medicine - autism. cancer. AIDS.

I could work with words, and my god how I love words. writing, reading, understanding - some people have a certain magic way with words, and I could learn that. to captivate people with sentences, wring intense feeling and emotion from pages of text.

I could learn psychology, and the deepest workings of the mind that aren't understood. I could fix people. help them. understand them, really, truly understand them, and not just the whats but the whys.

I could be in music - learn to produce a sound so pure that it could bring tears to your eyes. I could learn to conduct, to truly conduct, which is a sight to behold because it's like every gesture is perfect and gorgeous, and as the book says, "you can draw a sort of immense emotional throb out of the air by merely curving your hand. you can get brilliant waves of sound by a twist of the wrist. you can make sudden and absolute silence by a gesture. it is the most wonderful of all sensations that any man can conceive."

I could conceivably do any of those things, and a hundred, a thousand more.

but I can't do all of them. and that hurts.

I wish I believed in some kind of reincarnation, because I will need a hundred thousand lifetimes to know everything that I want to.

picking a major is gonna be a bitch. "I'd like to major in everything. yes, everything. oh, don't worry about me, I'll just use a time-turner or fifty."

kind of makes you want to be immortal, or at least work outside of temporal existence and laws.

though, it would be very ironic if you spent your entire life working with the laws of space and time until you found a way to circumvent them, for the very purpose of gaining lifetimes of knowledge, and somehow managed to expire before taking the step outside of what is. lifetimes of information for others, sure, but...I digress. on the other hand, it's probably ridiculous how much self-confidence I have that I think there could be a way to circumnavigate time itself. how silly of me.

still, though. how beautiful would it be, to know everything? to be capable of that much information? I'm sure the human brain can't even come close to handling such knowledge - it can't even come close to handling what the scope of that much knowledge would be. but my god, I wish I could have it all.

I am in a very, very weird mood. my apologies to anyone that's just read that. in the meantime, I'm going to go try to learn everything.

where I almost made out with the homecoming queen

2007-06-22T03:23:18Z

I bought *three* new books last night. at the book store.

I ♥ new books, seriously. They're all paperback, and I was able to buy 3 with my $20 gift card. =D they are all long, too.

I got:

Wizards At War, by Diane Duane, which I've been needing to read for FOREVER. I can't believe it's been out so long that it's in paperback.

Uglies, by Scott Westerfield. It's a slight break from the norm in terms of my reading, but it and its sequels looks interesting.

and...I forget. Seeker? I think? it's by William Nicholson, who also wrote the Wind on Fire trilogy (which also = love). It also has a sequel out that I'd like to get.

Sigh. I need to renew the library card - it's $80 since we don't live close enough or whatever, but it's so so worth it. I need to stop letting myself forget how much I love books. And reading.

Mmm. I want to go to the library now.

Did I mention that I love books?

<3!

the list, for amanda.

2007-06-17T23:29:24Z

anyone have any ideas for other things to do this summer?

Things We Need To Do This Summer
 Complete a nonstop LOTR marathon
 Do the same for Pirates
 Play with fireworks, preferably illegal ones
 Make a film of any sort as long as it is amusing to make and watch
 Have a smoothie party
 Have a water balloon fight
 Hang out on someone’s roof
 Feed the ducks/geese
 Run through sprinklers
 Play golf
 Play miniature golf
 Play Frisbee golf
 Watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show
 Choreograph a dance. Rehearse/perform it in a public place.
 Make an elaborate, multiple-course picnic lunch. Have picnic.
 Fly kites
 Go to the coast (preferably on a warm day)
 Sushi
 Tie-dye party
 Complete a game of Monopoly. Without forfeit.
 Play tennis
 Ping-pong tournament
 Foosball tournament
 Go to the fair. Ride all the cool rides.
 Write a very nice note to a stranger. Send it by picking a random name out of the phone book.
 Learn to juggle?
 Build a sandcastle. Ensure that there is photographic evidence, then destroy it.
 Go to (breakfast, lunch, dinner). Tip outrageously high for someone that was nice.
 Go paintballing

please note that in microsoft word, the ?s are boxes :)

SUMMER VACATION FTW.

2007-06-15T20:36:34Z

Seriously.

I love summer vacation.

Not only did I have a blast last night, we're all going to get together and hang out again sometime this evening.

Let's do a quick review of my day:

I got up at 9:30, which is just about perfect. It's sleeping in enough that I'm not tired at all, but not so late that I feel slothful. I spent most of the morning organizing my music. For those of you that don't know me, I am one of the most forgetful, disorganized persons you will meet - except in certain areas of my life, where I get great pleasure out of being extremely organized. This is one of them. Not only did I make sure all of my music is in the same place on my computer, I went through probably 30 or 40 CDs that I've been meaning to rip to my computer, then ripped them. I now use itunes instead of WMP, because the only songs I imported to itunes are the ones I actually listen to - so I don't need to scroll through all the songs I never listen to. It's exciting.

Then - then! - I went on a run. With the dogs. Warm outside, sweaty, listening to good music on shuffle. Came home to stretch and take a cold shower, so now I'm clean and soft and I'm going to hang out with my friends later.

This is going to be an amazing summer. I guarantee it.

I'm off to scan in the Batman sweatshirt sketch and see if I can make a decent design, and then clean the desk/living room/kitchen/my room. I love this! because in all honestly, I do enjoy cleaning, but only on my own terms. Problem is, I don't have enough TIME for my own terms during the school year...I like to clean something really meticulously, then laze around for awhile, then clean something else really meticulously. Which does not translate well to, say, cleaning an entire room when I'd rather completely clean and organize everything on one dresser. But now I have the time!

Did I mention that I love summer vacation?

hmm.

2007-06-07T03:31:48Z

so I've determined that I should just live out at the barn. it's like there's a goddamned anti-emo cloud laying over the whole place, I swear. I even tried to think about brian, and being sad, and the thoughts literally would not connect. it was kind of nice.

mom and I went for a ride outside. the sun was low-ish, so everything was bathed in this soft golden light, and everything is green and covered in grass, and the horses were calm, and it was perfectly warm/cool with a tiny breeze. it was really just beautiful out there, really peaceful.

so, dad brought CS3 home. it's exciting, especially the quick selection tool and the new black&white option. at the moment, I am coloring in an angry dragon that I drew in my biology lab book. I was angry, so I wanted to draw something ugly and angry.

I shall put it on here when I'm done?

I should scan in some of the other stuff from my lab book, I end up getting creative sometimes cause bio is so boring.

hmm. I'm content. which is funny, cause I was pretty depressed earlier.

up and down, I suppose.

UP IS DOWN! UP IS DOWN!

oh pirates.

ZOMG A REAL ENTRY

2006-11-08T01:11:02Z

So I'm in a fantastic mood. I made my computer work! Or more specifically, I sufficiently figured out a way to burn a CD in .wav form so that it will actually play places other than on a computer (this as opposed to .mp3s or the ugly windows media file). So I burned A Mix CD, which I promptly labeled "Pretty Much AWESOME" and the AWESOME is in bubble letters with little polka dots, and then a smiley face for good measure. Anyway here is the playlist (it's just random stuff I threw together) and excuse the formatting, it's weird:

1. Polygraph, Right Now - The Spill Canvas
2. The Dutch Courage - The Spill Canvas
3. Teleport: A and B - The Spill Canvas
4. Himerus and Eros - The Spill Canvas
5. Self Conclusion - The Spill Canvas
6. Second Place Victory - This Day and Age
7. Sunshine - Jinxed
8. Pretty Baby - Vanessa Carlton
9. Bruised - Jack’s Mannequin
10. Dark Blue - Jack’s Mannequin
11. All Will Be Well - The Gabe Dixon Band
12. Roulette - System of a Down
13. Cosmos - Random Trumpet?
14. Boondock Saints Theme - …Irish Songs!
15. Closing Time - Semisonic
16. Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas
17. Dust In The Wind - Kansas
18. Warning - Incubus
19. Promise - Eve 6
20. Land Down Under - Men At Work

So yes. Some random crap in there.

...Chair tests were today. I'm ~~hoping~~ ~~thinking~~ ~~wondering if~~ waiting patiently until Thursday to find out if I got first chair. I very much want it and I want to sit next to Jon. One or the other will happen I think, but hopefully both.

Time for math review for the midterm tomorrow, then way too much Scarlet Letter-ing, and a 500 page book (Winter of Our Discontent, anyone?), a scary horse to deal with, and an Equestrian Team meeting. Funny thing is that I'd ditch it all to hang out with Brian...but that's alright. I need to do homework anyway and he's busy tonight. Apparently Thursday after school we are going back to the U of O with dad where I guess we'll just wander around and have fun. Not like there's much to do on campus but it'll be even more interesting when it's probably raining. And Weather.com says....showers.

(On a side note, I just accidentally typed Artists as Artits)

Alright, that's enough of a real entry for one day. Off to do my various responsibilities. too many I's in that word.

...a song.

2006-11-07T06:18:17Z

It's breathtaking to think of you
And to learn that sometimes the only way out is through
It's mind numbing to think of yesterday,
I'd run to you now if I could but things have changed

I heard you say
It's enlightening
To think of the breeze
To believe in things that we can't see

So here we go
Let's show them how to live
Accept the pain
Always forgive
Watch the sun go down
Learn the sound of following all that is complete

It's breathtaking to think of you
And to learn without faith the sky isn't as blue
It's mind numbing to think of yesterday
We'll look toward the stars and dream that we're airplanes

Let's show them how to live
Accept the pain
Always forgive
Watch the sun go down
Learn the sound of following
All that's complete

I feel the beginnings of a real entry coming on. I'll write one soon I think.

music meme!

2006-11-05T19:46:52Z

total number of tracks: 925
total length of music: 64 hours 13 minutes

sort by song title:
- first song: "Beat Box" - On The Rocks
- last song: Zwitter - Rammstein

sort by time:
- shortest song: September; Cadence In - Marching Band 0:38
- longest song: Great Expectations - Miles Davis 27:24

sort by album:
- first song: I don't really have album titles but the first one with an album is I'll Fall In Love Again by Sammy Hagar on "Vision Quest" Soundtrack
- last song: The Red, by Chevelle, on What's Next

sort by artist:
- first song: Dancing Queen - ABBA
- last song: Of Sailors and Whales II; Queequeg - Wind Ensemble

sort by genre:
- first song: Promise - Eve 6
- last song: Pax Deorum - Enya

top 10 most played songs:
- Endless I - Floater
- No One Else (Live Acoustic) - Weezer
- Diego's Goodbye; Fast - Marching Band
- Slipping Away - Sum 41
- Second Place Victory - This Day and Age
- A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie
- Count Bubba - Gordon Goodwin
- Boondock Saints Theme
- Self-Conclusion - The Spill Canvas
- Carry On My Wayward Son - Kansas

first five songs that comes up on shuffle:
- Boom - System of a Down
- Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
- Where Are You At - Maynard Ferguson
- Flight To The Ford - Howard Shore
- Cold - Crossfade

how many songs come up when you search for:
- "sex": 3
- "love": 16
- "you": 55
- "death": 6
- "hate": 2
- "wish": 1
- "monkey": 1

gothic horror story?

2006-10-31T01:18:16Z

A clinging red haze hung low and heavy on the featureless grey hills. There was a sickening, cloying feel to it; I felt as if it would wrap itself so thoroughly into my lungs I might never rid myself of it. And yet—coughing too was out of the question! There was a rank silence over the place that I dared not disturb beyond the faintest breath. Far off, I fancied I heard the cry of a carrion-bird, harsh and croaking; but there was a colossal structure directly in front of me, and this behemoth of a building was chief of my concerns.
I had (perhaps foolishly) accepted a job in this crumbling, decaying mansion. “Caretaker wanted,” the advertisement in the newspaper had said. This monumental construction was nearly beyond repair: ivy was in the process of voraciously swallowing the walls and windows into its tight, paralyzing clutches; the roses in the garden were bent and twisted into tortured shapes as if some poison slept in the ground they grew from; the animals, mainly birds and dogs, stared at me with hollow, hungry eyes. When I opened the worn oak front door, it moved with more reluctance than I could strictly attribute to ancient hinges, and the cold, clammy rush of air was more unwelcoming and musty than it should have been for a house abandoned a scant two years. There were rusted and dusty suits of armor: knights with maces or axes that seemed to frown at me as I passed.
Despite the condition of the mansion, I did what I could. The plumbing, I think, was too far gone; I could hear all manner of strange groans and shrieks and piercing metallic screams, particularly when I neared the passage to the basement, and so I was inclined to avoid that particular area of the house entirely. After much painstaking work on the remainder of the house, though, I had eradicated the worst of the mold, dust, and rats, and all that remained was the basement—a dark, cold dungeon.
When I stepped down the stairs to that loathsome place, the ominous warnings of aging pipes started up again, and a strange sense of sick foreboding settled into my stomach as if I had walked unknowingly into a room crowded with strangers and they all stared at me with murderous intent. Each ancient wooden stair creaked with my weight, aiding in that macabre symphony of ear-rending metallic screeches and deep, bellowing groans. But amidst the cacophony were moments of unbearable silence! It was a sudden and unnerving stillness, as if the basement were a yawning mouth preparing to swallow me whole.
At length, amidst the groans of ancient plumbing, I came to the bottom of the stairs. A low, quiet hissing seemed to manifest itself at times, quiet and nearly inaudible; I swear that there were lights too, strange ghastly lights that lit the dank gloom of the basement in a fleeting moment only to vanish as soon as I turned to look. Once I threw my dustpan at a light, one that I saw out of the corner of my eye; I turned to look and the light, clever thing that it was, had hidden inside a painting! I knew it because the eyes of the woman in the painting now gleamed with that same ghostly light, looking—nay, glaring!—at me with sullen reproach. I could not stand it and I tried to make the ghost light reveal itself. I tore at the painting with my tools, with my bare hands, until I was certain that the blood running down my fingers was surely from the painting (I know because I heard her screams). But I turned my back one moment—just one moment!—and the light was gone from the eyes now, leaving only stained scraps of canvas. I left to wash my hands of the blood (how my own hands were cut, I do not know), and took the painting with me. I planned to burn it.
While I was outside watching the flames blacken the painting, a very strange woman walked by. “This is private property,” I said politely. She smiled. Her teeth were decaying faster even than the old house, and her hair looked wet though it had not been raining. “Perhaps you should leave too, then,” she cackled; her voice was high and it made me cringe to hear how like it was to the plumbing in the basement. I turned round to prod at the flames, and when I looked back to respond, she was gone. But I know that she was no figment of my imagination! She had left a puddle where she stood, though already it hissed and steamed from the nearby fire. I resolved to go into the basement again the next day.

...woo!

happy face.

2006-10-31T00:23:09Z

cynicaljustice @ 2006-09-23T14:29:00

2006-09-23T21:38:11Z

I'm tired of this funny feeling in my stomach that's been here all week and nothing/one fixes it.

On the upswing, our first home game was last night, and it was sheer beauty. Not only did the football team win (which is always a plus), the band [my band it feels like now, like watching my babies out there] was amazing and incredible and perfect. I feel like they like me, and they like my co-DM, and I like them a lot too. They listen to me and it's empowering and humbling kind of both, because I can command them so easily but most days I'm still sitting there wondering why they do it. Listen to me, that is. Conducting up there was the most beautiful thing ever, in the stands and on the podium when it was all perfect and I could smile at them all (Kirk told me later that he smiled back and messed up his playing). Having all that fear of when to start and stop going away because it's really not so hard. Perfect cutoffs every time except the first, which is so much more than we're used to. The high, the energy that goes singing through everyone after we march off and the smiles all around and the hugs. The feeling of the gloves and cape because it's just some white fabric but it's so, so different than just marching. The contrast between me and her because she's in makeup and a colorguard uniform with dance underneath, and I'm in a jacket with a cape and gloves and a hat, and mismatched boxers and a tie-dye shirt but we're still friends, and closer than the uniform makes it look.

God I love Marching Band.

wheeee.

2006-08-02T04:25:02Z

can I just say that I LOVE MY HORSE.

yes I can.

I love my horse. <3

yay jumping lessons!

mumblegrumble.

2006-07-27T23:11:42Z

I'm tired. and kind of burnt out on horses. But I have a lesson today...maybe that will get me back on track? I feel bad for how unenthusiastic I've been about it all summer...I'm only going to one schooling show. Although that's all I did last summer too. But still...What with Red's death and then later that week Rose fell off and seriously damaged the muscles in her hip so she can't ride for another two or three months, it's only me riding really. I haven't had lessons lately so Bailey and I have just kind of been drifting. Plus he's being totally disrespectful lately which is frustrating and blaaaah. I may try just taking a few days soon to take a tarp out there and screw around with ground work again. The day before yesterday I tried to jump him over some stuff in the round pen just while I was longeing, and he was fine until I moved it up, and then he started refusing and getting all worked up, so I had to drop it back down to a tiny little X, and then I rode, and I just took it really easy with some walking and trotting and meh.

I am in a bleh mood! oh well. I shall return later with a happier mood, probably.

cynicaljustice @ 2006-07-03T11:27:00

2006-07-03T18:31:02Z

Red

The day we got him.

This is Red the day we got him, which was Saturday.

We had to put him down yesterday, which was Sunday. The day after we got him.

He fell and did some neurological damage.

He was going to be a great little horse...but no more.

RIP Red. We <3 you.

summer!

2006-06-20T15:22:08Z

so it's summer. oh, and on that project I was angsty about last post....stuart agreed to switch with me, so I WAS going to go wednesday. but then mr. teacher says '..no.' so I had to go. I wrote my speech in 15 minutes and got straight 5s (which, for those of you not in the know, is graded on a scale from 1 - 6; 4 meets standard, 5 and 6 exceed, 6s are given for extremely good things). so that's happy.

iiiiiiiiit's summer! I am happy! it smells like summer, and..and...it's just nice. poor bailey had a reaction to a shot we gave him, so his neck's all swollen and hot and he's stiff and lethargic and it's really quite depressing. he has a healthy appetite and he's drinking though, so as long as his food is high enough off the ground that he can reach it without straining himself, he's good. we're going out to check on him soon, I want to walk him around so he gets moving a bit then ice his neck. if he's worse we'll call the vet but I think he'll be fine.

woo. so...that's about it. I think. yeah. can't think of anything, it's 8:30 in the morning and I'm not tired!

yeah...I'm gonna go. I can't think because I'm bored. or something. ta!

(it smells like summer and that gives me this tingly feeling in my stomach and I can't describe it. it's amazing)

sigh.

2006-06-11T15:25:10Z

I am unhappy right now.

as of now, I have a whole display board to make, regarding my career research project. the whole 20 pages or so that our class has been making for the past term, on a career that we chose? information from that goes on our display board, which we use to make our presentation, on one of three days - tomorrow, tuesday, or wednesday.

guess which day I happen to be going?
monday.

guess where my paper happens to be?
ON SCHOOL COMPUTERS.

that's right. I have absolutely no records of my paper, not even rough-rough-rough drafts, anywhere other than at school. which makes me want to kick something. because I almost, ALMOST, sent a copy to myself via email awhile ago, just for safekeeping. because, you know, I'm too stupid to realize that OH! maybe I actually need my paper at HOME where I can't ACCESS the school network.

so right now...I don't know what to do. I'm going to lay out as much as I can, but I don't think I can just rewrite the information and not actually take it from my paper. aaaaaaaaaargh. my only other option is to get to school at 8:00 tomorrow, when the computer lab opens, and hope that an hour of time with my essay will be enough. which is silly. if the stuff was already paraphrased and laid out the way I want it, sure; an hour of cutting and glueing wouldn't be so bad. but none of it's paraphrased, I have no clue which parts I want to use, so the better part of that hour would be spent deciding what to use and where to use it and how to paraphrase it. then there's the question of where I would do the actual glueing, because A. I'm sure the lab doesn't want me producing all those scraps of paper that inevitably happen when you cut things out, and B. I stupidly got rubber cement instead of a gluestick, so it smells AWFUL. which also rules out, say, grabbing the stuff and going into a practice room in the band room to do the cutting and pasting, because I'd probably suffocate.

on top of that, I forgot to get chapter 1 - 5 math notes from jane on friday, so I have only chapters 6 - 10 notes for the math final that's either tomorrow or tuesday. problem is she'll be studying tomorrow. because I somehow contrived to lose a whole notebook full of notes. argh.

so....yeah. I'm stupid and I hate that there's nothing I can do to make it right now, I just have to hope things work out. I don't even know the list of who's going when, so it's not like I can call someone going on the second day and ask them if they'll switch with me, and it's not like anyone in their right mind would do that anyway, and it's not like I even know if that's okay by the teacher.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I HATE PROJECTS!

fweeeeeeeeeee.

2006-05-20T15:11:52Z

I got drum major.

I am so, so, so sosososososo happy. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I wanted it so badly, and I got it, and it's just wonderful and I'm all glowy and happy and yay.

I did get third chair in elements, when I wanted second, but I'm really not complaining. I think it's more of a range reason that I got third than a stylistic reason, but I don't really know.

(oh and by the way, ross said there were two trumpet features, and jon (the trumpet section leader) and I looked at each other and were like eh? eh? trumpet solos for each of us! heck yes!)

aaaaaanyway. yeah, the band banquet was last night. I cried...twice? once when she brought bryan and jerome up there, but that was a minor cry, only eyes watering. then I cried after they announced drum major and put the DM hat on my head. it was really cool...the only other person auditioning was justin, and they announced section leaders first. so they announced him for trombone section leader, which means that I got DM, before they announced that I did get DM...so I looked up at banle (last year's DM and a good friend of mine, also my best friend's boyfriend) and he smiled and nodded and it was just perfect.

and my co-DM for this year gave me a letter cause she couldn't be at the band banquet because of a lacrosse game, and she's really excited and so am I.

and I don't know. I'm just so happy. it's gonna be a really awesome season.

I love you all!